Ok, so my recent posts have generally been adorable cuteness. Since you have likely followed along for the fun stuff, I'm going to ask you to humor me and look at some hard stuff too.
As an adoptive mom, my journey to parenthood has been a little different than that of most.
Over the years I have often heard well meaning people make comments regarding birth parents, whether it be in general or more specifically about our sons' birth mothers.
To generalize, it's often something like "How could anyone ever do that?" of "I could never give up my child".
While I understand where the sentiment comes from, it still hurts my heart.
I'm not sure if I should or not, but I tend to feel a little defensive of my sons' birth mothers. We would not have these kids without women who, for whatever reason, made the most impossible choice anyone could ever make.
Now that we have Penelope Mei, that defensiveness has grown.
In China, there is no way to make an adoption plan for your child. All the children being adopted from China were abandoned.
As easy as it is to say that I could never do that, instead I am choosing to be thankful that I will never have to make that choice.
In an effort to provide a safe place for these children, Guangzhou (and many other cities in China) started a baby hatch. A place to safely abandon a child. It was so overwhelmed, it has already been closed.
Please read the article below about a night at the Guangzhou baby hatch.
Heart Breaking. Absolutely Heart Breaking.
Does it make me understand? No.
Does it make it ok? No.
But it does help me see that these are parents. Parents faced with impossible choices.
As easy as it is to view the woman who leaves her baby on the steps of the police station as a villain, please take a moment to remember. She is a mother too. Not that different than you or I.
So please don't tell me what you would do or what you wouldn't do. Instead, choose compassion and be thankful that you will never have to make such an impossible choice.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
How could anyone do that???
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8 comments:
We are so thankful that those birth mothers, however hard it was to let their child go to another family, chose to have you and Jason raise their children. Penelope's story is a little different, but maybe that mother that abandoned her had some regret, just had horrible circumstances, where she could not keep her beautiful daughter. Their loss is our family's gain. We love all our grandchildren with all our hearts, no matter how they came into the family. We are thankful for so many blessings.
All our love, Nanny & PaPa
Everyone is always quick to offer their opinion with any situation. My wife and I have heard the opposite, with "I can't believe you are being selfish enough to go through IVF just to have a kid with your own genes, when there are so many orphans!" Bottom line, a lot are quick to tell you what to do, but in turn, don't practice what they preach. Blessings to you all!
Jeffrey
That baby hatch article is one of the most awful things I have ever read. For those mothers to have to make that choice so that their kids will get better care whether that be emotional or physical. And the agony you see the suffer that you know will not ever go away. Heros. That's what they are.
Dawn
I had to go get Madeline out of her bed to just hold her after reading this. The parents that find the strength and courage to let their child go because they can no longer provide for them, that's pure love. It takes a special person to be able to do that. This article is so raw and heartbreaking but none the less it's reality. We are so thankful for Penelope and her happily ever after story.
Brooke H.
Just think what it would be like if these facilities didn't exist..where would these babies be? I have a feeling that they would just be found laying on the side of an alley or found in dumpsters. So sad that this is occurring not only in china but all over the world, even here in the USA. God bless you and your family.
Giving your baby up is never an "easy" process. After having worked with a few mommas who put their babies up for adoption (as I'm sure you have Michelle), I truly believe it is an act of bravery and selflessness. It's not easy, no matter how you do it, if it's planned, or if you decide at the last minute. And especially in a situation like a baby hatch. These mommas know there is a better life for their babies somewhere and are willing to break their own hearts for their children to have better than they can give them. Isn't that the epitome of being a mom- wanting more for your child? I am sure there are some women out there who still feel the sadness of their decision, but at the same time smile at the thought of their children waking up every morning in a home like yours- filled with love, security, and safety.
It's such a sad situation that there is a reason why a mother feels she can provide for her child, but as a birthmother my self there comes a time in your life that you realize it's not about you it's about the outcome of this child that you conceived, I was so shocked how many people were against adaption I didn't understand why. I never regret my decision I made he is in amazing hands with a family that all they wanted was a child. They always said they feel bless to have him, but I'm the blessed one to have them. Its not an impossible choice, Only the strongest people can choice a different fate for there child.
So sad and heart breaking! Thanks for sharing, definitely makes you realize how blessed we are.
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